10 Ways to Measure Personal Calm

Working toward calm and contentment is a lifelong pursuit; it requires that you pay attention to the signs of your body and the actions you take based on your emotional state. Like most long term goals, people need to be able to measure their progress. Even your breath can be a way to check in on your emotions, on how calm you are.

These 10 consistent actions and abilities will allow you to measure your progress as you work towards your own personal calm. 

Read more to discover 10 ways to measure your personal calm!

10 Ways to Measure Personal Calm

1. Crying or smiling based on your inner need to
2. Controlling your voice and volume
3. Maintaining calm regardless of others
4. Pursuing relaxing hobbies and activities that refresh you
5. Extending kindness
6. Breathing deeply from the diaphragm
7. Looking at the present with removal from the past
8. Acceptance of change
9. Investing in relationships rather than drama
10. Being in touch with body, self and soul

For example:

If during a crisis you are crying and taking short breaths, you have lost sight of your personal calm when you most need it. Your body is out of your control: you have let adrenaline and fear control you rather than holding on to your inner peace.

During an argument, keeping your voice at the even level you want it while accepting what the other person says rather than resisting the change they propose- this is a good sign of inner calm! 

Touching base with your body during moments of high stress can help you diagnose where you are emotionally and spiritually are. Compare these two examples and find where you lie on such a spectrum.

Additional Exercise 

Try making a list of things you do when calm and content. Don't think about what others would expect you to do; think of what works for you. Add that list to these goal posts

Internship Update

I wanted to give a little update on how my internship has been going.

Read more to find out how things have been going!

What I do

I'm currently in the Public Programs Office; I'm working on an assortment of projects along with staffing evening events. Most projects are small internal paper work things, organizing things in Excel, or helping with the Family Days. I kind of want to work through a few mini-classes in Excel. My experience with tutoring and teaching has been really useful for prepping for the Family Days. I think the most exciting part of the internship is staffing the events: it gives you a real sense of the role the museum plays in the community.

Where I am

I'm in the Public Programs Office, External Affairs. The Public Programs Office is really great. Everyone is super friendly at the Smithsonian. That was one of the first things that struck me about the environment. But this office just goes beyond, filled with enthusiastic and cheerful people. I'm amazed by the scope of these women's work: they do so many programs for the American Art and Renwick. And there are just five of them!

The space itself is an office in the Smithsonian American Art Museum offices in the Victor Building and the museum itself, which is right across the street. This is all right outside of the Gallery/Chinatown metro stop; I just ride the yellow line straight in. I also sometimes make my way to the other Smithsonian museums for research, trainings, special events, or just for my own pleasure.

What I'm learning

I'm trying to take the time this summer to learn as much as I can about the Smithsonian and it's programs. I want to leave with a strong understanding of how museums organize themselves and how individuals can best help a museum. I'd love to see how my understanding of the museum's role for the community changes as I help to staff events rather than just attend them as a guest.

I also want to learn more about professional development; I feel very disconnected at MIT since we don't have a strong program for Art History or Studio Art. Hopefully, I can take the resources and people to find out and connect to the career of conservation.

Why I'm sharing

I'm going to start writing about my internship; I do want to give it a little bit of time so that I can process my experiences and deliver the best information. Also, there is the consideration of privacy and respecting the museum. I doubt that any posts on proper attire or behavior would brush against that, but I need the time to go over things and make sure they are fully in line with the museum's policies.

I might also write about interesting things that are in the museum's catalogue. As I do research, I come across all sorts of neat little gems within the catalogues. Not to mention that it would help to expand my knowledge and yours too!

Rousseau: Perpetual restraint vs. Honest commitment

People seem to become more and more homogeneous as time goes on. Think of the rapid spread of galaxy print. Quickly galaxy went from a few instances of NASA photoshopping, to a DIY trend, and on to widespread commercial products. Maybe it's the success of corporations managing to sell us all the same product in a million different ways. Maybe it's the process of information becoming more quickly and widely available.

via Britannica

Even in the 18th century process of people trying to fall into a mold was happening. Rousseau writes in Discourses on the Arts and Sciences on the prevalence of modern manners.

Read more for a quote of his ideas and my thoughts on individuality despite outside pressure.

The Quote

"In our day, now that more subtle study and a more refined taste have reduced the art of pleasing to a system, there prevails in modern manners a servile and deceptive conformity; so that one would think every mind had been cast in the same mould. Politeness requires this thing; decorum that; ceremony has it s forms, and fashion its laws, and these we must always follow, never the promptings of our own nature.

We no longer dare seem what we really are, but lie under a perpetual restraint; in the meantime the herd of men, which we call society, all act under the same circumstances exactly alike, unless very particular and powerful motives prevent them. Thus we never know with whom we have to deal; and even to know our friends we must wait for some critical and pressing occaison; that is, till it is too late; for it is on those very occasions that such knowledge is of use to us."

from Rousseau, A Discourse on the Arts and Sciences, The First Part

Homogenization by Choice

What is certain is that the homogenization make individuality more difficult. It's hard to be your unique self when everyone else seems to have poured themselves into a single cast. I remember in high school when everyone wore Abercrombie and Fitch, capped sleeves and color scheme down to a precise formula. Now, the uniform is more subtle and encroaches on behavior.

There prevails in modern manners a servile and deceptive conformity

Apparently, it's absolutely not okay to not have a plan for after graduation as a freshman nor is it alright to purchase your brass rat after graduation, even if these decisions are based on your finances. If you've ever worn a costume on the T, the adult uniform is revealed by its absence. The conformity is deceptive in how everyone seems to easily fall into it, willingly. But it's there.

So how do you break out of the mold that's been made invisible by ubiquity?
How does one stand up for their individuality while still being presentable for interviews?

Unique Self

Part of embracing the everyday is embracing who you are. Get in touch with what you want then work to pursue that. The persistence to follow your dream will also show your value as an individual amongst so many identical replicates. Get in touch with the powerful motives that will give you strength to be yourself. Once you have a goal, pursue it regardless of decorum. If you want to be more fashionable, try out new coordinates regardless of what dullards warn about changing your style. Reach out to communities that pursue the similar styles; don't be afraid of being the first person to speak.

Valuable Friends

Let go of friends that don't stand by you. Friends who haven't stayed with you aren't guaranteed friends. Don't go out creating a crisis. Do pay attention to who comforts you, even in the small things. Trust me: those people will also show up when you truly need it.

Thus we never know with whom we have to deal; and even to know our friends we must wait for some critical and pressing occaison; that is, till it is too late; for it is on those very occasions that such knowledge is of use to us.

People who share your goal will make useful allies and even better friends; you know they will stay strong beside you because they too have gone through the difficulty of breaking out of the mediocre. Most likely, they'll be far more welcoming and warm as you discuss something exciting you both love than those bound by polite conversation about the weather.

Reading Rousseau on this subject gave me confidence and I hope that it can give you confidence too. Being yourself can give you a lot of insight on the true friends in your life. Don't worry about people that are uncomfortable with you embracing yourself. Be open and honest with your advice. The true friends are the people that stick around and care while others ignore or try to disparage you.

How to Deal with "Friendly" Criticism

"I really don't think that suits you. Try this one instead!" she remarks, unsolicited, as you put on your favorite dress.

"Don't you worry about your figure? I just want to see you healthy, but you've put on so much weight recently," she mentions, munching on a handful of almonds.

"My hair is such a mess. You must understand- your hair is so frizzy!" She corrects her bangs deftly and sweeps her eyes over your hair.

Do you have a friend that's been sharing a few too many "helpful" comments?
Here's a few tips to deal with the criticism that friends may hand out without much thought.

When? How often?

The first thing is to notice when the criticism comes out. Does your friend only share her opinions when asked? Does she hand out compliments and criticism equally? Or does she often share negative view points without you asking for them?

For example, my floor mates tend to share their opinions, both good and bad. Sometimes it means that I get a surprise hug and outpouring of adoration. Other times, it means that people will give me well-meaning advice about my hair on high humidity days. For me, I don't really mind so long as I know that the observations are just that: facets of me that my friends care about and want to protect or improve. Most importantly, I know that if I ask for the criticism to stop it will.

If the criticism tends to come out unsolicited or on a very regular basis, then you may become bothered by it.

Is this about you?

The next facet is whether these comments are even about you. If they're not about you, then there's really no need to pay them any mind. Negative comments really just reflect on the person saying them.

Here are a few questions that can help you determine if the "friendly" criticism is about you.

• Are these criticisms just a reflection of your friend's insecurities? 

A friend of mine is very insecure about her grades. She worries about them constantly and sees them as a reflection of herself, rather than just being, y'know, test scores. Sometimes when she gets a bad score, she'll draw attention to the low scores other people have gotten. If they're not in the mood to commiserate with her on a low score, she'll use criticism to try and draw people down to her low level of confidence.

Sometimes the way people deal with their weakness is to draw attention that weakness in others. It may help your friend to see that they see as a weakness is actually a normal and common part of other people. However, it may still hurt you to have that part of yourself criticized.

• Is being negative about others a way for her to let off steam when in a bad mood? 

• Does your friend tend to comment on negatives in general?

Some people are just negative. Call them pessimists or realists, but they always find the negative to a situation. These people tend to amuse themselves by putting things down rather than trying to improve.

I'd advise to cut this type of person out of your life. It might seem like a loss to cut this friend out, but really they're just a negative patch that you've grown used to. Sew in something you enjoy and lifts you up. The difference will likely surprise you.

Why does it bother you?

Ask yourself why this bothers you.

• Is this part of a larger conflict with your friend? 
• Is it the frequency that bothers you? Or the content? Or the setting of the comments?
• Are these criticisms prodding your inner wounds? 
• Is your worry for yourself? Or for your friendship?
• How do you feel about these criticisms?

These questions will take a bit more introspection; take your time with them. You don't have to share all the answers with your friend, but dealing with them on your own time will help when you approach your friend.

Now that you know that this is a problem, why it's a problem, and how it bothers you, you can figure out how to deal with it.

How to deal

So the next time the "advice" comes up point it out. It may be that your friend isn't aware of it. Try a neutral statement like these to draw attention without being accusatory:

• Thanks for pointing that out, but I'm okay with that part of myself.
• I'm glad that you noticed that change I made, but I don't feel the need to comment on it.
• I really love that part of me and in others too. In fact, (compliment the other person).
• You're really observant. Thanks for appreciating that.

Realizing that the criticism isn't about you often means that the criticism doesn't bother you anymore. Instead, I focus on helping that person to accept that aspect of themselves. For example, when my friend criticizes my grades, I always respond by saying that grades aren't the thing that defines a person. I refocus the conversation on her relationship with the professor or her fundamental understanding of the information.

After pointing it out a few times, have a conversation with your group of friends about how unnecessary criticism can hurt. If you don't want to be direct, have a ready segway into the topic. If you read magazines, it's easy to find an article about how criticism of women's bodies is hurtful. If you do want to be direct, talk to you other friends and get on the same page about the friend's problematic behavior. 

How to stop it

If the criticism continues after pointing out how it hurts you, then the "friend" needs to stop hurting you.

You may need to have a conversation about the excessive criticism after using these statements, make sure to talk in private. Think about what you have to say. Make sure that you don't respond with negative criticism. 

If this friend continues to comment in a way that hurts you or bothers you, that person may not be much of a friend. Take the time to evaluate the friendship. Is this criticism worth the rest of the relationship? Is cutting off contact the best way to make them stop debilitating?

Motivate Yourself: What is Work?

I think we all have days where we just can't do any work.

But that doesn't mean that day is a loss. Sometimes you can trick yourself into getting "work" done. Other times you just need to realize how much work you're already doing.

I'll share a few tricks for getting yourself into getting stuff done when your body just won't cooperate.

Set the mood

Often the reason I can't get work done is because of a bad or lazy mood. To deal with a lack of motivation, let's first qualify what it means to get work done. There are all sorts of tasks that need to get done in a day. Some of them are chores; others are complex creative tasks; others are matters of routine. Some relaxing but necessary tasks we don't even consider when making our to-do lists: showering, eating, cooking, taking a moment for breathing. But all of these things need to happen in a day.

It seems ridiculous to de-value the things that have to get done. Without going grocery shopping and cooking food, you'd starve. Shouldn't that make those tasks the most important part of your day?

Do chores

I find that the reason I can't focus on a large academic "important" task is because I've allowed too many of these "little" chores pile up. In that sense too we can see that everyday chores are important and part of getting work done. Without keeping up on chores and self-care, we can lose our motivation for larger tasks.

Try out these physical chores with the intended mental goals in mind.

• Cleaning your room
• Refocus and de-clutter your mind
• Open up your windows to let in sunlight
• Brighten your outlook
• Wash and dry dishes
• Drift on what you need to do
• Throw away old lists and papers
• Prioritize the things left 
• Empty the trash can
• Let go of baggage
• Do laundry
• Focus and pacing

Pacing

Work is not sitting in one place for hours and hours. The Social Network might show us people "plugging in" for hours at a time, but most people don't work this way. The human body isn't designed to sit in one place for a long time; cramped and tired out is usually the end result of this type of studying and work. So don't study in a way that physically saps motivation and sets you up to fail!

Study to your body's needs and personal habits

Most people can only concentrate on a task for 45 minutes which is about the time a load of laundry takes. After a block of time concentrating, take a break to do a physical activity to pump your body back up and keep yourself from getting tired. This will help your motivation.

Summer Internship Start!

Yesterday, I had my orientation for my summer internship. I posted about getting the internship earlier in my End of Term post. The tl;dr version is that I have a 6 week unpaid summer internship with the Smithsonian American Art Museum. I'll be working in the Public Office; I can't wait to work out the details of the projects that I'll be helping with.

Read more for the preparation that I put into the orientation.


They sent us an email about dress, making sure to keep it professional. I wanted my first outfit to show that I took this seriously while following their rules for dress code. But I also wanted to show my coworkers that I had a sense of style. So here's what I was wearing and carrying with me:

Do you like that everything is in cool colors? I can't seem to help myself! I always end up getting blue and green things.

Earlier in May, I made a large purchase of spring semi-professional clothing. I assumed that the internship would expect attire that respected the summer heat but maintained professional standards. I got this particular dress from Marshalls. It had a large stain on it so it had been marked down; it was great for me since I hemmed the dress, cutting off all evidence of the stain.

This is the purse I recently got for the internship. I didn't think that any of my day purses were large enough or professional enough. I wanted to have a larger purse for carrying paperwork and supplies that still looked professional-cute. I'll likely do a post on the purse, reviewing it and saying how it holds up to a week or two of use.

Here's what I packed inside of it:

• Folder for requested information
• Notepad and planner
• Tea (not shown)
• Pencil case
• Phone
• Mini make up case

I'm so amazingly thankful for my summer internship. I can't wait to share with you all the things that I learn. I worked hard to make a good impression and I hope that it paid off.

Rousseau: Life to the Fullest

Understanding the education is preparation for life, we can now figure out how to embrace that life. Sometimes it can be very difficult to create an approach to life that allows you to embrace the moment. Hearing peers anxiously talk about grad school in their freshman years or professors drone on about the impenetrability of academia can make it seem like life takes place in stretches of decades rather than days. But your life is made of days!

Fortunately, there are great minds who have already written about the focus on the day to day life, and the benefits to embracing daily joy. Let's look at a quote from Rousseau, on of the great thinkers from the 18th century. His writings on education will help us to better understand what an effect positivity can have on us, as we approach our life and our education. 

Read more for wisdom on embracing your day!

You can read the first part at Rousseau: Education to the Fullest.

Let's continue with the Rousseau quote and finding a way to embrace the day to day.

The Quote

"We think only of preserving his life and limb. It is not enough; he ought to be taught how to preserve them himself when he is grown up; to endure the shocks of fortune, to bear riches or poverty, and to live, if occasion required, amid the snows of Iceland or on the burning rocks of the Malta. [...] It is of less moment to preserve him from death than to teach him how to live. To live is not merely to breather; it is to act, to make proper use of our organs, our senses, our faculties, and all parts of our being which contribute to our consciousness of life. he has not had most life who has lived most years, but he who has felt life the most. A man may be buried a hundred years old and have died in his cradle. Such a one would have gained by dying in youth if had lived till then." (Rousseau on Education, Introductory Passages from the "Emilie," Part 2. Education and the state)

Education as a Lifestyle

Education is about the here and now. Put in your very best into every aspect of what you're learning. Reach out to professors and jump at opportunities. Education isn't about sitting back in a lecture hall and letting it happen to you. Education is an action, one that requires persistent effort from all of our faculties. Sometimes it's tiring; you may feel like you're putting yourself out there, asking "stupid" questions or sending out applications that others wouldn't dare to try for. But that's an education!

Reaching out for knowledge and passion from your education is your education. Even when your hand falls short, you've gone farther and learned more than the people who didn't dare to reach.

Embracing the Moment

It's very important to focus on living life in the moment. I think that what makes each day valuable is appreciating the small moments. Enjoy every day and take advantage of the opportunities that the small times present. Even if it's just having dinner with a friend or finishing a book that seemed to take forever to get through, these are valuable achievements and memories. Your life isn't just major events or waiting for the next "big thing." Instead of putting off adventure, embrace it. Heck, go out there and create it! Certainly there will be failures, not everything is an exciting success the first time. Those failures are opportunities to laugh and learn, a skill which will serve you well as life changes constantly.


Don't wait for a perfect moment to start living; that moment doesn't exist before you put effort into creating it. 

How to Politely Skip Class

There are always going to be days where you don't want to go class. Sometimes it's that you're tired; other times the weather is bad. There are ways to keep skipping class from being a major hindrance. The most difficult thing is making sure that the professor doesn't mind. Most classes have clear policy on attendance. Of course in attendance based classes skipping will have an effect on your grade. Even if attendance isn't part of the grade, showing up to class is important. Carefully judge whether skipping class is worth it. To be fair, I skip a class about once a month. Usually, I take the time to catch up on sleep or studying.

In the cases that you decide skipping class is worth it, here's a good guide to politely skipping class.

you are not subtle with excuses

If there isn't a legitimate reason to skip class, don't make up a reason. Lecturing professors have heard it all before, easily sorting honest reasons from lame excuses. While you may think a late night of DODA can be covered for with "a family emergency," your prof will probably be able to see through you.

Don't make an excuse. If you feel the need to approach the professor, just earnestly apologize for missing class and ask if there's anything you can do to make up the work. If you plan to miss class, ask a friend to take good notes for you and email the prof asking for the work you'll miss.

legitimate reasons have paper trails

For legitimate reasons to miss class, get a paper trail. If you're very sick, go to the doctor. Although this might be a pain, a doctor's note can be turned in to your professor to excuse an absence. As silly as it might be, an email from your parents describing the family difficulty can turn a recalcitrant professor into a sympathetic mentor. If you go to a GRT or other dorm staff for help due to drama that's really affecting you, ask that person to email your professor. While they may not be a grand authority, their word holds more weight than yours on its own.

Check to see if your school has a department or office for students experiencing difficulties. For example, students with crutches or arm braces can go to the Office of Disabilities to get transportation to and from class and class note takers, respectively. Or a student dealing with exam anxiety can go to Student Support Service to request more time on an exam or a separate room for test taking.

safe skip: the lecture after an exam

This is a favorite lecture of mine to skip, especially since I'm usually still tired from studying for the exam. A portion of the lecture is "wasted" going over the exam results . I say waste since most classes post solutions to exams online and the next office hours are dedicated to answering questions on the exam. The start of new material is very important as it is the base for everything else, but it's also the easiest to learn. So I find this to be an overall decent lecture to miss.

leave at break

If you show up for class but feel the need to leave midway through, the best time to leave is at the break. If there's no break, try to aim for a natural pause in discussion or speach. This is something that should be saved for the worst most desperate case as most professors will notice and may even take you leaving personally.

do not leave if exodus

Some lectures suffer from a large mass of people leaving all at once. In the case that a group of people are leaving, don't join them. Staying on the day that the class is nearly empty is equivalent to telling the prof that you value their class. Professors notice your presence then more than ever.

Positivity: Education to the Fullest from Rousseau

Walking through the Infinite, I'm always amazed by the project posters and the chatter of discovery that surrounds MIT. I love the feeling of excited and frenzied exploration that permeates the people, the very buildings.

But there's something that makes me a little anxious: the concept of a technology education  Some of my peers see their time here as a way to gather up data points to store and recite for accolades. Others see technology as unequivocally good, unquestioning of the pursuit of knowledge and a fancy career. And there's always the disparaging of HASS, class that focus on the humanities. I can't count how many times have I been told that "readings for HASS classes are optional" or that "there's aren't any jobs in that; it's useless."

Something has changed about the way we approach education. We seem to see education as a decoration for our resume rather than a way to see the world.

(image via stephenhicks)

Read more for Rousseaus' vision of education as a way to impact individuals.

Education for Society

Let's look to a quote from Rousseau's writings on education. Please consider that all of your life is an education, a preparation for the next day to come and a way to prepare future generations with the wisdom you have gained. When Rousseau wrote of education, he wrote of education as the process from childhood that would structure and prepare young people who would form society. Always, he thought of the effect education would have on the society as a whole, a society in line with the ideals of antiquity. 

Ideal Education

Rousseau had the idea that education should return to the earlier style of the Romans, removing children from theoretical academics (which he saw as useless ego stroking) and instead allowing young people to pursue their interests whole heartedly and with lots of hands on experience. He wanted to grant poor students scholarships that would be proudly awarded. Education was meant to enrich people morally and mentally, always a tool rather than a decoration.

Education included the mind and body. Physical education and a connection to nature were very important to Rousseau; he felt that competitive and group athletics in the outdoors would improve students and their communities. Rousseau thought that the whole community should gather to honor athletes and encourage young people to work together in sports. This would build the community and help people to see their ideals of leadership, sacrifice, and cooperation in action.

The Quote

"We think only of preserving his life and limb. It is not enough; he ought to be taught how to preserve them himself when he is grown up; to endure the shocks of fortune, to bear riches or poverty, and to live, if occasion required, amid the snows of Iceland or on the burning rocks of the Malta. [...] It is of less moment to preserve him from death than to teach him how to live. To live is not merely to breather; it is to act, to make proper use of our organs, our senses, our faculties, and all parts of our being which contribute to our consciousness of life. he has not had most life who has lived most years, but he who has felt life the most. A man may be buried a hundred years old and have died in his cradle. Such a one would have gained by dying in youth if had lived till then." (Rousseau on Education, Introductory Passages from the "Emilie," Part 2. Education and the state)

Meaning and Focus

Let's focus on the first section of the quote:

He ought to be taught how to preserve himself when he is grown up; to endure the shocks of fortune, to bear riches or poverty.

This is not what our college education does! That's not even how most people approach education!

Most people approach education as a way to get a well paid career or as a marker of the upper middle class. But really education should be so much more than that. Think of the great Greek thinkers: Plato and Socrates certainly wrote, debated, and educated for the young men of the elite. But they spoke to these men with questions, in order to change society and to give these men the means by which to live and find their own understandings.

Rousseau is suggesting the same thing: education should prepare young people for life with a style of thinking rather than a collection of datums.

Education's purpose isn't to make money or a sparkling career. Education has the purpose of preparing us to live our lives regardless of money. An education is supposed to make us consider the role that money plays in our lives. A good education should give us a sustainable approach to life, one that we can live in the ups and downs of life.

Because there will always be ups and downs, education should teach us how to ride life; no number of degrees can protect us from uncertainty or fragility.  

In the next section, we'll turn to the second part of Rousseau's quote.