Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Happy Thanksgiving
Ah, I'm packing up for my trip home for Thanksgiving. Please take a little time to show gratitude to those you care for and especially to yourself as the busy holiday season goes into full swing!
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Affirmation of Sadness
While we may not need to cry that often, I think a lot of us struggle to let the tears flow. But it's really important to have a good cry when you feel the need to.
Sometimes when we cry, we feel weak or guilty for expressing out emotions. For women, it can be seen as a long expected sign of weakness to cry in the wrong setting. Men are often discouraged from expressing their emotions so tears can be a scary prospect. But all of us have emotions, no matter how strong of a front we put forward.
Here's a set of affirmations that I have been giving myself when I feel the need to cry. I hope that they help you or can serve as a resource for times of trouble. Please always keep in mind that things can get better and there are resources for help.
Sometimes when we cry, we feel weak or guilty for expressing out emotions. For women, it can be seen as a long expected sign of weakness to cry in the wrong setting. Men are often discouraged from expressing their emotions so tears can be a scary prospect. But all of us have emotions, no matter how strong of a front we put forward.
Here's a set of affirmations that I have been giving myself when I feel the need to cry. I hope that they help you or can serve as a resource for times of trouble. Please always keep in mind that things can get better and there are resources for help.
- It's okay to be scared to cry. Strong emotions can be scary and unfamiliar, but these emotions are part of you. What's really scary is trying to keep these emotions back where they can fester.
- There's no reason not to cry. It doesn't matter if someone hears you. It doesn't matter if other people don't need to cry. It doesn't matter if the reason you're crying is small. Think about how many tears were shed over the Titanic: if you feel the need to cry, surely your emotional health is just as worthy as a silly movie.
- You deserve the right to be sad.
- You deserve the space to cry.
- You deserve the time to feel emotions, good and bad.
- Confronting your emotions is a necessary part of moving forward. There's no way to have emotions go away without dealing with them.
- Crying because you are frustrated, sad, or angry is all valid. There are many reasons why people cry. Whatever your reason it is valid.
- Tomorrow will be better.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Check in: Jumbled Thoughts
Periodically I find that I have to check in with myself and my values.
I was talking with a floor mate and she insisted that we have to 'prioritize' things. By this she meant that some values and truths that we find to be important we have to set aside, ignore the injustice of breaking them and the harm that this ignorance causes. She said that you had to 'pick your battles,' that you couldn't do everything.
Insistently, I said that we could do everything, that there was no cause so trivial to be put aside. I found her statements repugnant: It's an impossible and disrespectful task to determine which life is more worthy of your time. Lifestyles are inherently political; all aspects of a lifestyle should be aligned with the individual's moral views. While resources may be limited, ingenuity is not. If your morals do not apply to your actions, you do not actually believe your morals. I tried to explain how I structured my life in alignment with this belief.
In some places I could clearly articulate what I meant: I changed majors from something that was based in military applications (mechanical engineering) to one that was not only harmless but an important part of conserving the world's culture (art conservation). Even my achievement and choice of university was a political statement: a raised-poor biracial woman can go to MIT to pursue a degree in engineering. I could also explain how I choose to purchase products that are generally organic and/or fair trade. I could even point to the fact that I was engaging in this conversation and the risk I have faced in spreading my beliefs.
However in other places, I found myself struggling to find the bright line between my intent and my effect. While I don't believe that individual choices within capitalism are a means of changing our larger social structure, I find that it is irresponsible to ignore the meaning in small changes of purchasing and responsibility. For example, I don't think that my recycling is going to fix America's lack of sustainability. On the other hand, I can't point to any direct action I've taken to change America's policies outside of my own awareness and the individual conversations I've had. Pointing to the resources available, I can say how much fair trade food I can afford to seek out and buy. But I cannot find a way to choose which products to purchase, which to 'prioritize.'
Always, articulating your values to another person is a valuable experience because it forces you to confront contradictions and vacancies. Because of this conversation, I came to a better understanding of what I want and what I am doing. Basically I know that I'm not causing harm but I am not actually making progress towards my beliefs being adopted by others or helping others.
I want to find out how I can better bring my daily actions in line with my values. In particular, I've increasingly been focused on how to turn my feminism into practice. What does 'solidarity with women' mean? I live on a women's floor. I choose to write my papers on women's contributions with women authors. I read and think about women's issues. But what does this mean in daily practice?
I would love to hear how others balance this or put their beliefs into practice. I think this is something that will take a long time for me to fully achieve, but I do want to begin working towards the goals I see for myself and the world. If I can speak about change, I must also act as I speak.
I was talking with a floor mate and she insisted that we have to 'prioritize' things. By this she meant that some values and truths that we find to be important we have to set aside, ignore the injustice of breaking them and the harm that this ignorance causes. She said that you had to 'pick your battles,' that you couldn't do everything.
Insistently, I said that we could do everything, that there was no cause so trivial to be put aside. I found her statements repugnant: It's an impossible and disrespectful task to determine which life is more worthy of your time. Lifestyles are inherently political; all aspects of a lifestyle should be aligned with the individual's moral views. While resources may be limited, ingenuity is not. If your morals do not apply to your actions, you do not actually believe your morals. I tried to explain how I structured my life in alignment with this belief.
In some places I could clearly articulate what I meant: I changed majors from something that was based in military applications (mechanical engineering) to one that was not only harmless but an important part of conserving the world's culture (art conservation). Even my achievement and choice of university was a political statement: a raised-poor biracial woman can go to MIT to pursue a degree in engineering. I could also explain how I choose to purchase products that are generally organic and/or fair trade. I could even point to the fact that I was engaging in this conversation and the risk I have faced in spreading my beliefs.
However in other places, I found myself struggling to find the bright line between my intent and my effect. While I don't believe that individual choices within capitalism are a means of changing our larger social structure, I find that it is irresponsible to ignore the meaning in small changes of purchasing and responsibility. For example, I don't think that my recycling is going to fix America's lack of sustainability. On the other hand, I can't point to any direct action I've taken to change America's policies outside of my own awareness and the individual conversations I've had. Pointing to the resources available, I can say how much fair trade food I can afford to seek out and buy. But I cannot find a way to choose which products to purchase, which to 'prioritize.'
Always, articulating your values to another person is a valuable experience because it forces you to confront contradictions and vacancies. Because of this conversation, I came to a better understanding of what I want and what I am doing. Basically I know that I'm not causing harm but I am not actually making progress towards my beliefs being adopted by others or helping others.
I want to find out how I can better bring my daily actions in line with my values. In particular, I've increasingly been focused on how to turn my feminism into practice. What does 'solidarity with women' mean? I live on a women's floor. I choose to write my papers on women's contributions with women authors. I read and think about women's issues. But what does this mean in daily practice?
I would love to hear how others balance this or put their beliefs into practice. I think this is something that will take a long time for me to fully achieve, but I do want to begin working towards the goals I see for myself and the world. If I can speak about change, I must also act as I speak.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Advice for Dorm Politics
College dorms are a bit like little countries. Each dorm has its own stereotype and its internal politics, not always related. Different floors in the same dorm have different cultures; some groups may be in tensions with one another. Dorms may have celebrities: the people the gossip is about or the people everyone knows. Maybe even the people everyone dislikes.
All of these tensions and quirks come to a head in dorm politics. When you get involved in dorm politics, you're stepping forward for responsibility and discussion.
Read more for advice on entering dorm politics.
Try to remember that dorm politics draws out the worst in people. Individuals that are perfectly fine may turn into horrors when in a group. Group dynamics turn into mob mentality. A dorm is what some people consider a home; most people have strong opinions about where they're living. When people start e-mailing large groups of people, things can quickly get out of hand. Some people are looking for drama or a distraction from their own work. Whatever the case is, take a step back from the drama. If you want to or feel comfortable doing so, talk to a few people one on one, in a quiet relaxed place.
People dislike change. Even good change can cause negative reactions. Don't take this personally. It has nothing to do with you. It may not even have anything to do with the change that you are proposing.
Ask people to do you a favor, to try out the change. Let them know that they can go back to the traditional. If you can, offer a celebration - free smoothies, small snacks, dinner for those who offer opinions- to welcome the change, and discuss to improve it. Not to mention that the best way to cut down discontent after a change is to point out that no one spoke out when initiating the change.
Do what you think is right. This is the most important. You're not the president of the US; you are still you. Even if it means that you lose your position for a term, do what you think is right. In the long term, it means a lot more to you, to your friends, and to the dorm.
In my experience, the thing that really sticks with you is whether you did the right thing. While hurtful words can be painful in the moment, the thing that gave me strength was that I was doing good for people. Time usually ends up proving you right.
For example, I was really adamant about making sure people submitted their presidential application early on. I brought up in discussion with the dorm the problem we had of claiming to be inclusive but really not doing anything to fix the divisive issues between floors. A person stepped forward to be president late in the game; I questioned if we should let their application be put to a vote since they hadn't demonstrated any interest in the position aside from claiming to be inclusive without a plan of action. People really criticized me especially after this person won the election; I had a hard time of it and was less welcome on the floor this person was a part of. But I knew that expressing my concern for the dorm was the right thing to do. When the going got tough, the president huffily resigned. In the end, I was right. It didn't make me happy to be right.
What did make me glad was that I had done the right thing and weathered the storm that went with it. Because I had spoken up, other people and I were prepared to step in and help the dorm as we transitioned between presidents mid-term.
The best way to avoid confrontation is to leave room for face-to-face conversation. This might sound counter intuitive, but it's very empirically true. People are much nastier when they don't have to see the face of the person that they are talking about.
Sending out an email with the intent for it to stay under the radar only encourages a flame war.
Set up a meeting time that's a little removed from the blow up: give them time to cool down and give yourself time to think about what you want to say.
All of these tensions and quirks come to a head in dorm politics. When you get involved in dorm politics, you're stepping forward for responsibility and discussion.
Read more for advice on entering dorm politics.
Popularity
It's sad to say, but things don't change that much since high school at least for dorm politics and elections. Popularity can be a major part of who 'succeeds' in dorm politics.
Different floors have different popularities as do different residents. Some residents are known to be friendly to all floors and are loved while other residents may never be seen outside of their room. These different reputations can affect voting as can floor reputations. If your floor is known to be the 'fun social floor' you may have and advantage over a resident who lives on the 'quiet study floor' for a position that typically goes to outgoing people.
Also keep in mind that different floors may have popularity and legacies for positions. Sometimes a inter-dorm position is always filled by a person from a particular sorority.
Please don't be discouraged if you want to get involved. There is a lot that goes in and most dorm leadership delegates to people. If you goals is to help rather than hold a position, you're sure to be able to find a cause to help with.
Mob Mentality Happens
Try to remember that dorm politics draws out the worst in people. Individuals that are perfectly fine may turn into horrors when in a group. Group dynamics turn into mob mentality. A dorm is what some people consider a home; most people have strong opinions about where they're living. When people start e-mailing large groups of people, things can quickly get out of hand. Some people are looking for drama or a distraction from their own work. Whatever the case is, take a step back from the drama. If you want to or feel comfortable doing so, talk to a few people one on one, in a quiet relaxed place.
- Be very careful of dorm politics close to exams. People are stressed and may react much more strongly and negatively when they're stressed. Others may use dorm politics as a distraction from their exams. Tensions are always high so try to plan cushion time around exams.
Change
People dislike change. Even good change can cause negative reactions. Don't take this personally. It has nothing to do with you. It may not even have anything to do with the change that you are proposing.
Ask people to do you a favor, to try out the change. Let them know that they can go back to the traditional. If you can, offer a celebration - free smoothies, small snacks, dinner for those who offer opinions- to welcome the change, and discuss to improve it. Not to mention that the best way to cut down discontent after a change is to point out that no one spoke out when initiating the change.
Morals
Do what you think is right. This is the most important. You're not the president of the US; you are still you. Even if it means that you lose your position for a term, do what you think is right. In the long term, it means a lot more to you, to your friends, and to the dorm.
In my experience, the thing that really sticks with you is whether you did the right thing. While hurtful words can be painful in the moment, the thing that gave me strength was that I was doing good for people. Time usually ends up proving you right.
For example, I was really adamant about making sure people submitted their presidential application early on. I brought up in discussion with the dorm the problem we had of claiming to be inclusive but really not doing anything to fix the divisive issues between floors. A person stepped forward to be president late in the game; I questioned if we should let their application be put to a vote since they hadn't demonstrated any interest in the position aside from claiming to be inclusive without a plan of action. People really criticized me especially after this person won the election; I had a hard time of it and was less welcome on the floor this person was a part of. But I knew that expressing my concern for the dorm was the right thing to do. When the going got tough, the president huffily resigned. In the end, I was right. It didn't make me happy to be right.
What did make me glad was that I had done the right thing and weathered the storm that went with it. Because I had spoken up, other people and I were prepared to step in and help the dorm as we transitioned between presidents mid-term.
Confrontations
The best way to avoid confrontation is to leave room for face-to-face conversation. This might sound counter intuitive, but it's very empirically true. People are much nastier when they don't have to see the face of the person that they are talking about.
Sending out an email with the intent for it to stay under the radar only encourages a flame war.
Set up a meeting time that's a little removed from the blow up: give them time to cool down and give yourself time to think about what you want to say.
- What do you see as the problem?
- What do they see as the problem?
- Are these problems compatible?
- What are the resources available for this?
- How can you help people who are having this problem?
- Why did you feel the need to speak up?
- Where is the other person coming from?
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Storing food and 3 Ways to Stop Pests
Air tight containers are a must for storing food in college kitchens and dorms. Without airtight containers, your food will let out odors, attracting pests for the whole floor. More than that if you have food in your room, there's no need for rodent room mates.
Air tight containers will also extend the shelf life of your food. Some containers are expensive, but they're worth the investment. More than that, losing all of my food to a moth infestation has given me great faith in air tight containers. Trust me, you know you're in college if tupperware for Christmas is the best gift.
Read more for advice on airtight containers!
Invest in Materials: thick plastic or glass
Thick plastic or thick glass is a must for airtight containers. This will be a little bit pricier than cheap plastic or bags.
Ziplock bags will not cut it. If you absolutely can't afford more expensive effective containers, triple bag your unopened store packaging. This isn't a 100% guarantee but it will keep most things out while minimizing the smell.
Paper, cardboard and thin plastic can all be chewed through. The store packaging will not be enough to keep pests out.
Make sure that there is an air tight seal.
Canning Jar Set of Six ($9 via amazon)
Canning jars are great. The glass I think is really gorgeous. I use these for small snacks.
Amazon, Rubbermaid 50 piece storage set ($34)
This rubbermaid set is what I have. I have used sharpies to put my name on them along with dishwasher safe labels ($10 via amazon).
The diversity of sizes is pretty great. My only complaint is that there are so many of the tiny 'sauce' tupperware. Otherwise I think it's great; I never feel like I'm out of tupperware.
This rubbermaid set is what I have. I have used sharpies to put my name on them along with dishwasher safe labels ($10 via amazon).
The diversity of sizes is pretty great. My only complaint is that there are so many of the tiny 'sauce' tupperware. Otherwise I think it's great; I never feel like I'm out of tupperware.
Amazon, OXO Good Grip 5 piece storage set ($50)
oh my gosh, these are amazing. So I have to confess that I didn't buy them myself. They were a Christmas gift. And what a gift! They're pricey but really worth it. The seal on these is just great. I love the top 'button' that seals them.
The only complaint is that they are not dishwasher safe. But since I generally use them for cereals and rice, I never feel the need to wash them that often.
oh my gosh, these are amazing. So I have to confess that I didn't buy them myself. They were a Christmas gift. And what a gift! They're pricey but really worth it. The seal on these is just great. I love the top 'button' that seals them.
The only complaint is that they are not dishwasher safe. But since I generally use them for cereals and rice, I never feel the need to wash them that often.
Method: How to get rid of pests
1. The moment you purchase something, place it into an air tight container. The longer the product is left out, the longer pests have to get in. 2. To get rid of pests, place the grain in the freezer for 4-5 days. This cold spell will kill any pests already in the grains. Don't skimp on the time or the pests will just hibernate rather than dying. I only bother to do this for large purchases, but this works for all sizes of grains.
3. After the freeze, place the grains into a clean airtight container, safe in your cabinet.
I'd suggest using Expo dry erase markers or post it notes to label when you purchased the food. You can use these dishwasher safe labels ($10 via amazon) and then just write the date with a dry erase marker.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Recharge and Refocus
I took a few days off of blogging to recharge. Life seems to get more and more daunting as I move forward. But there are also a few amazing changes that I want to share.
The first is that I think I'm going to move out of my dorm. While the people on my floor are lovely, I find the dorm culture to be a bit toxic and too transitory for my taste. This is something that I've been looking forward to as an abstract thought for a while, but it's much closer to becoming a reality than ever before.
The second is that I'm trying to make a monetary commitment to myself. I have enough things lying around, not all of them being used, that I don't need to buy anymore. I want to make sure that I'm financially stable as I move out and that I start saving money the way I really should be.
Finally, I want to do the things that I set out to do over the summer. I want to draw twice a week. I want to read all the books I've purchased. I want to go back to writing letter. I've been dealing with difficulty and stress. In general, I really just lost sight of what I'm doing and who I am because I was too caught up in the stress of the moment and the difficulty of the moment. I want to get back in touch with the ideal me that I was working to be, rather than the miasmic discouraged me.
The first is that I think I'm going to move out of my dorm. While the people on my floor are lovely, I find the dorm culture to be a bit toxic and too transitory for my taste. This is something that I've been looking forward to as an abstract thought for a while, but it's much closer to becoming a reality than ever before.
The second is that I'm trying to make a monetary commitment to myself. I have enough things lying around, not all of them being used, that I don't need to buy anymore. I want to make sure that I'm financially stable as I move out and that I start saving money the way I really should be.
Finally, I want to do the things that I set out to do over the summer. I want to draw twice a week. I want to read all the books I've purchased. I want to go back to writing letter. I've been dealing with difficulty and stress. In general, I really just lost sight of what I'm doing and who I am because I was too caught up in the stress of the moment and the difficulty of the moment. I want to get back in touch with the ideal me that I was working to be, rather than the miasmic discouraged me.
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