Healthy Competition: 3 Keys

There is something to be said about comparing yourself to others. In a healthy way, comparison can motivate you to try your hardest and give you inspiration to collaborate with others. However, if you go too far in comparing, then you can hurt yourself.

Here are a few ways that I find people on my campus compare against each other and ways he that  it  can be harmful. If you have ways of dealing with this sort of harm, please comment and share!

Identity

I think that a lot of people struggle with comparing themselves with others. For many of us, college is the first place where we have been surrounded by people who are of and above our own skill level. While this is a wonderful thing for building community and engaging in discussion, it can also be thought if you've built your identity around being 'the smartest person in the room.'

Such a shaking to the core of your identity is harmful. Defining yourself in terms of others limits with whom and how you interact. 

Know who you are! 

Regaining identity

The important thing is to remember who you are. While others may be more talented at some subject or or others may seem to be learning more quickly than you, all of that is irrelevant. That doesn't affect you, now you learn, or how quickly you learn. Please remember that you don't know everything about other students: some people have been studying where you haven't seen them. Most importantly: they don't affect your ability  to learn. Having a safe space to return to can help you retain your identity.

When you compete with others, you can gain experience and confidence in your skills because you have challenged yourself. 

Competitive

 

Reading this book I realized that the culture I was in was competitive to an unhealthy degree. That's what I have struggled with; naming the problem gave me precision and validation. With grades and applications, it can often feel like the good grades of another student harm your chances at your dreams. While this doesn't involve the other person hurting you, the constant hashing of gpas and comparing of past internships can be a form of competitiveness. But I still find it to be hurtful. I don't find comparing sleep deprivation or hosage to be healthy for me. 
More so you never know what people are hiding. The students that seems to always have great grades may be hiding their poor ones. The well dressed party crew may well be taking out large student loans. Comparing your internal self with someone else's constructed self is a method to never measure up. 

The only rubric that matters is your own self,  your goals and desires. 

Know your limits

When others are comparing in this way, know that they are expressing concern for themselves. The mean one of two things:

1. Let me know you're struggling too. Let me know that it's not as bad as it sounds or feels.
2. Give me an opportunity to brag about what I've done. Give me a chance to show off my accomplishments. Give me a chance to prove my machismo.

Neither of these things are about you. You don't want to get caught up in that sort of attitude.

 Offer support by actually reassuring and acknowledging the situation. 

Habits in review

Habits are an important part of maintaining your mental and physical health. While habits may often make you think of phrases like "stuck in a rut" or "mindless routine," habits can in fact be much more than that. Habits can be simple acts of maintenance or more complex commitments to personal interrogation. Keeping myself accountable with habits has made a big change in my life and I hope that you too can use them both to improve yourself and to catch yourself before you fall.

Here are a mix of my healthy habits, those that maintain and those that help me grow.

Maintenance

Most of my maintenance is daily. I've noticed that when I fail to take care of these tasks, things start to fall apart. Taking care of little things on a regular basis can mean that you have the good health to take care of bigger things. For example, in my old dorm, a lot of students didn't eat healthy. A few barely even ate at all! They could just never find the time. Because of this, colds and other types of sick would spread really easily. Those who were already weak from lack of eating would totally fall apart, with their health and their studies. Taking the half hour to sit down for a meal is better in the long run! It took me a while to learn how to take care of myself and to even go so far as take extra vitamin C right before a bug got big. Paying attention to my body and my needs on a regular basis: that's what maintenance is really about. These habits are about long term wisdom rather than short term results. 

• Get out of the apartment everyday
• Meditation
• Listen to my body
• Walk or exercise for 30 minutes daily
• Eat something when hungry
• Eat at least 1 healthy meal each day
• Journal daily
• Wake up and sleep at a regular time

Growth

Once you have yourself in good shape, doing your maintenance on a regular basis, you can move forward to growing! Growing for me is about making sure that my goals and day to day life are in alignment. This can mean things like having a brunch chat with an old friend: I make sure that I am maintaining a connection that I enjoy. I give back to them and help them while enjoying some yummy food. I also can, by talking with a good friend, find out more about myself and the world around me. This is a small act of growth. It becomes a habit to look for ways to grow

• Review: Does your work lead you towards your goals? Do you know where you are headed?
• Interrogate: Does this right now make you happy? These people, this place, this work?
• Respond: Do you take responsibility for what you control? Do you adapt?
• Relax: Do you feel rested? Recharged? 

Barometer

Habits can also serve as a barometer of how you're feeling. I can now catch myself when I'm just starting to get ill because I may really feel like going to bed a lot earlier or sleeping in. These sorts of barometer moments can be useful for catching problems before they escalate. For example, when I'm feeling tired in the morning, I may take extra care to eat well for the next few days with a focus on staying well. While it may not be efficient to form a habit just to catch a problem, sometimes these things are easily linked. More likely you'll just need time because those sorts of thing reveal themselves.

Good luck forming new habits!

Affirmation of Sadness

While we may not need to cry that often, I think a lot of us struggle to let the tears flow. But it's really important to have a good cry when you feel the need to.

Sometimes when we cry, we feel weak or guilty for expressing out emotions. For women, it can be seen as a long expected sign of weakness to cry in the wrong setting. Men are often discouraged from expressing their emotions so tears can be a scary prospect. But all of us have emotions, no matter how strong of a front we put forward.

Here's a set of affirmations that I have been giving myself when I feel the need to cry. I hope that they help you or can serve as a resource for times of trouble. Please always keep in mind that things can get better and there are resources for help.

• It's okay to be scared to cry. Strong emotions can be scary and unfamiliar, but these emotions are part of you. What's really scary is trying to keep these emotions back where they can fester. 

• There's no reason not to cry. It doesn't matter if someone hears you. It doesn't matter if other people don't need to cry. It doesn't matter if the reason you're crying is small. Think about how many tears were shed over the Titanic: if you feel the need to cry, surely your emotional health is just as worthy as a silly movie.

• You deserve the right to be sad. 
• You deserve the space to cry.
• You deserve the time to feel emotions, good and bad.

• Confronting your emotions is a necessary part of moving forward. There's no way to have emotions go away without dealing with them. 

• Crying because you are frustrated, sad, or angry is all valid. There are many reasons why people cry. Whatever your reason it is valid. 

And finally...

• Tomorrow will be better.