For my friends and I who fought our way to moderate financial success, money came from transgressing society's norms. It might have been fucking rich dude after rich dude you met on Seeking Arrangements. It might have been stabbing your stomach each morning with a syringe of hormones, in order to sell your genetically desirable eggs. With much luck, it required doing the ambitious work everyone said you weren't ready for, then getting mocked and rejected for it, until, slowly, the wall began to crack. You could never do what you were supposed to, never stay quietly in your place.
My friends who came closest to attaining the American Dream did it by breaking the rules on how to get there. The standard plan—college to secure job to home you own—was either unattainable or a path to the American debt nightmare.
Those with money usually think they deserve it. But most people who make the world run—who care for kids, who grow food, who would rebuild after natural disasters and societal collapse—will never be rich, no matter how hard or well they work, because society is constructed with only so much room on top.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
QUOTE: Filthy Lucre
Saturday, January 25, 2014
moving forward and helping others: a context
I do wonder sometimes about the opportunities that I have been given. And most importantly how I can share the resources I have found with others who need them.
I have worked so hard to distance myself from my background in order to rise above it that I often feel lost when I think of going back to help others.
There’s also the issue of a different culture. I have been so inundated by the culture of my present that it seems almost impossible to connect to others well enough to help them. I know the distrust that comes from being hurt so many times but I don’t know if I could ever overcome that distrust in another person. I am not the sort of person that warms easily nor the sort that is trusted easily.
I don’t fit the bill either. I also know that my background and raising don’t make me the most suited to caring for others. I don’t have the loving patience that is expected of such volunteers. I tend to strike out to protect those I care about, having been raised to believe in a firm hand to guide. Which is of course what most of those people that I want to help also believe in but not a fitting guideline for an organization.
And I think the most crippling thing is that I simply don’t know where to begin. I know my own strengths and weaknesses but I don’t know of any programs that eed the help of the sort of person I am. And I don’t know where to find such a need. I don’t have any connectedness with these organizations. I see a very big picture and I know that my vision of it is very radical. I don’t want to overhaul or compromise myself but I want to help in the current present in a real way rather than just theory.
Also, I know that it sounds quite cynical but from my point of theory these small acts are helpful. If you want to overhaul capitalism, encouraging ethical spending isn’t actually meaningful.
I have worked so hard to distance myself from my background in order to rise above it that I often feel lost when I think of going back to help others.
There’s also the issue of a different culture. I have been so inundated by the culture of my present that it seems almost impossible to connect to others well enough to help them. I know the distrust that comes from being hurt so many times but I don’t know if I could ever overcome that distrust in another person. I am not the sort of person that warms easily nor the sort that is trusted easily.
I don’t fit the bill either. I also know that my background and raising don’t make me the most suited to caring for others. I don’t have the loving patience that is expected of such volunteers. I tend to strike out to protect those I care about, having been raised to believe in a firm hand to guide. Which is of course what most of those people that I want to help also believe in but not a fitting guideline for an organization.
And I think the most crippling thing is that I simply don’t know where to begin. I know my own strengths and weaknesses but I don’t know of any programs that eed the help of the sort of person I am. And I don’t know where to find such a need. I don’t have any connectedness with these organizations. I see a very big picture and I know that my vision of it is very radical. I don’t want to overhaul or compromise myself but I want to help in the current present in a real way rather than just theory.
Also, I know that it sounds quite cynical but from my point of theory these small acts are helpful. If you want to overhaul capitalism, encouraging ethical spending isn’t actually meaningful.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
black parenthood and corporal discipline
I have always felt that there was something very classist about the movement against laying your hand on your child. I was raised to believe in spankings, time outs, and knew that if I did something bad enough that I would pay for it with my hide.
I now live in boston where even the mention of corporal discipline is met with sounds of disgust.
I tried to explain to a friend once how growing up in a black family there is a history that required strict discipline even from young children. This wasn’t taken well. Brushed aside, she insisted that in this day and age such tactics were not necessary and lead to problems in development. Problems in development? How about the problems in development that come from no sense of consequences? Or those behavioral problems that seem to persist in liberal raised children? Or the sense of entitlement and inflated ego that children without discipline tend to keep? Well of course these aren’t problems for the he upper class white folk that deplore corporal discipline. These are expected responses to their daily lives; most importantly what would be ‘maladjusted’ in the setting of Wesley Boston would be quite reasonable on a bad night in South east d.c. In fact, it is unlikely the children of middle class white folk will ever face the sort of situation where they will have to fear corporal discipline.
This so a not the case for the family that raised me. My grandfather often spoke of how when he was a boy his mother would make him pick out the branch that the switch would be. He also talked about how uppity negros were violently killed. My grandmother spoke of the long discussions her mother would have with her before she would face consequences like a spanking or evening without a full dinner. She also talked about the ways she went without while teaching in d.c. and the fear she had when race riots occurred. These family members knew that their children would face severe physical consequences if they did not appear properly behaved around whites.
So in their households, black parents were forced to find us to get their children in inline, and quick to, because there was no alternative. The time for development was violently limited to a time away from the view of white overseers. To be frank: the limited time away from the threat of violence from whites. This times are a very small part of black childhood.
This reality that misbehaving black children are seen as violent remains true today. As such black parents have to be certain that their children will not misbehave and understand the violence that could befall them if the do misbehave. There was recently a story of a young black girl who had her hair cut because the beads in it were ‘distracting’ for other students; her body was seen to be no compliant so it was literally cut apart. That is why corporal discipline remains such a major force in these communities- the response required of this girl was one that many an adult would struggle to give in these face of such unfair cruel ness.
I cannot speak to corporal disciplines efficacy or effects on development. But I can say that it is a way of raising children that has come out of a very important external need. I don’t think that parents should lose their children to the foster care system for corporal discipline.
There is a clear line between discipline and abuse.
Discipline follows clear cut rules: a negative action has a negative consequence. That consequence has to be proportional but cannot be seriously damaging.
Discipline is fair. The rationale and actions are explained.
The child should always be given a chance to explain themselves because that also gives the adult a chance to explain how the action and feelings could have been better directed. You did this because you felt but but that hurt others so you cannot do this again. You are being punished to give you a sense of the hurt you did and so you remember not to do this again.
Discipline is educational. Discipline involves self cntrol, emotional management, and improvement. Next time you should do a different thing like that instead. Here is your punishment. Here is what would happen if you misbehave in this way outside of the home.
Most importantly it is an education in making right what you have done. In my family, discipline was always linked to religion. We forgive you as Christ forgive you. But we need you to understand that our forgiveness doesn’t mean that you don’t have to make up for what you did.
Abuse is quite different. It is irrational, done in anger, and random. Abuse is based on when the adult is angry not based on when the child has done wrong. It is not proportional. It leaves listing damage and leaves the child confused about what wrong action they took. Instead of teaching the child to behave right rather than wrong, it teaches the child to read the emotions of the adult and take behavior that appeases them.
I defend the way black families deal with discipline issues because penalizing and breaking apart families does nothing to address the issue at hand. The real issue is the way young black children are often criminalized from an early age and the fact that the system set up to help children removed from their homes will only expose children to more, and often harsher, abuse.
I now live in boston where even the mention of corporal discipline is met with sounds of disgust.
I tried to explain to a friend once how growing up in a black family there is a history that required strict discipline even from young children. This wasn’t taken well. Brushed aside, she insisted that in this day and age such tactics were not necessary and lead to problems in development. Problems in development? How about the problems in development that come from no sense of consequences? Or those behavioral problems that seem to persist in liberal raised children? Or the sense of entitlement and inflated ego that children without discipline tend to keep? Well of course these aren’t problems for the he upper class white folk that deplore corporal discipline. These are expected responses to their daily lives; most importantly what would be ‘maladjusted’ in the setting of Wesley Boston would be quite reasonable on a bad night in South east d.c. In fact, it is unlikely the children of middle class white folk will ever face the sort of situation where they will have to fear corporal discipline.
This so a not the case for the family that raised me. My grandfather often spoke of how when he was a boy his mother would make him pick out the branch that the switch would be. He also talked about how uppity negros were violently killed. My grandmother spoke of the long discussions her mother would have with her before she would face consequences like a spanking or evening without a full dinner. She also talked about the ways she went without while teaching in d.c. and the fear she had when race riots occurred. These family members knew that their children would face severe physical consequences if they did not appear properly behaved around whites.
So in their households, black parents were forced to find us to get their children in inline, and quick to, because there was no alternative. The time for development was violently limited to a time away from the view of white overseers. To be frank: the limited time away from the threat of violence from whites. This times are a very small part of black childhood.
This reality that misbehaving black children are seen as violent remains true today. As such black parents have to be certain that their children will not misbehave and understand the violence that could befall them if the do misbehave. There was recently a story of a young black girl who had her hair cut because the beads in it were ‘distracting’ for other students; her body was seen to be no compliant so it was literally cut apart. That is why corporal discipline remains such a major force in these communities- the response required of this girl was one that many an adult would struggle to give in these face of such unfair cruel ness.
I cannot speak to corporal disciplines efficacy or effects on development. But I can say that it is a way of raising children that has come out of a very important external need. I don’t think that parents should lose their children to the foster care system for corporal discipline.
There is a clear line between discipline and abuse.
Discipline follows clear cut rules: a negative action has a negative consequence. That consequence has to be proportional but cannot be seriously damaging.
Discipline is fair. The rationale and actions are explained.
The child should always be given a chance to explain themselves because that also gives the adult a chance to explain how the action and feelings could have been better directed. You did this because you felt but but that hurt others so you cannot do this again. You are being punished to give you a sense of the hurt you did and so you remember not to do this again.
Discipline is educational. Discipline involves self cntrol, emotional management, and improvement. Next time you should do a different thing like that instead. Here is your punishment. Here is what would happen if you misbehave in this way outside of the home.
Most importantly it is an education in making right what you have done. In my family, discipline was always linked to religion. We forgive you as Christ forgive you. But we need you to understand that our forgiveness doesn’t mean that you don’t have to make up for what you did.
Abuse is quite different. It is irrational, done in anger, and random. Abuse is based on when the adult is angry not based on when the child has done wrong. It is not proportional. It leaves listing damage and leaves the child confused about what wrong action they took. Instead of teaching the child to behave right rather than wrong, it teaches the child to read the emotions of the adult and take behavior that appeases them.
I defend the way black families deal with discipline issues because penalizing and breaking apart families does nothing to address the issue at hand. The real issue is the way young black children are often criminalized from an early age and the fact that the system set up to help children removed from their homes will only expose children to more, and often harsher, abuse.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Tips and Resources for Your College Budget
A few pieces of advice for budgeting for your classes.
The first taste of freedom at college may lead to reckless spending. I've been on both sides - eating only oatmeal and discount frozen meals on to splurging on electronics. Trust me, it's better to stay in the middle.
Read more for some tips and link resources on how to stay in your college budget.
Don't do it! While seeing a large lump sum at the beginning of term is a temptation, you will need the money later. Not only will textbooks likely eat up a large portion of your money, but you will have to buy things throughout the year. Your splurge at the start of the semester won't be as enjoyable when you're scrimping the rest of the time.
Almost never buy from the campus book store. Likely they are amazingly overpriced. Either rent your books or order online. While it means you may have to order ahead of time, it will save you hundreds of dollars. That is not an exaggeration.
If you have a reliable floor mate, ask to share a textbook. You can split the cost and maybe even gain a study friend. Make sure that you have access to the book tho!
There's also the library. If a book is only used for a week in class, check it out from the library early in the semester. Everyone will be trying to get a copy of the book the week of. If you beat them to it, you may get to keep your copy. If not, either copy the pages or do the reading early.
More so: sell your books back!
This is really easy to do with online banking nowadays. Look at a month's worth of purchases and figure out where your money is going.
If you're spending a ton eating out when your parents are paying for a meal plan, you know where you can cut back.
The first taste of freedom at college may lead to reckless spending. I've been on both sides - eating only oatmeal and discount frozen meals on to splurging on electronics. Trust me, it's better to stay in the middle.
Read more for some tips and link resources on how to stay in your college budget.
- Biggest piece of advice: Do not spend your scholarship money all at once!
Don't do it! While seeing a large lump sum at the beginning of term is a temptation, you will need the money later. Not only will textbooks likely eat up a large portion of your money, but you will have to buy things throughout the year. Your splurge at the start of the semester won't be as enjoyable when you're scrimping the rest of the time.
- Buy textbooks cheap
Almost never buy from the campus book store. Likely they are amazingly overpriced. Either rent your books or order online. While it means you may have to order ahead of time, it will save you hundreds of dollars. That is not an exaggeration.
If you have a reliable floor mate, ask to share a textbook. You can split the cost and maybe even gain a study friend. Make sure that you have access to the book tho!
There's also the library. If a book is only used for a week in class, check it out from the library early in the semester. Everyone will be trying to get a copy of the book the week of. If you beat them to it, you may get to keep your copy. If not, either copy the pages or do the reading early.
More so: sell your books back!
- Keep track of what's coming in and out
This is really easy to do with online banking nowadays. Look at a month's worth of purchases and figure out where your money is going.
If you're spending a ton eating out when your parents are paying for a meal plan, you know where you can cut back.
- Make a budget
- 4 tips for College Budgeting
- Excel template for college budgeting
- How to make a budget: for college students
Saturday, January 11, 2014
3 Ways: Balancing Time Through Scheduling
It is very important to figure out how to balance you time as you gain aspects to your life. During school, I have to balance my academic work, my dorm job, my social life, my personal time and my ability to keep a reasonable outlook on the future. This past summer, I was balancing an internship, tutoring, family time, and my own personal time while I tried to figure out where I want to go after graduating from MIT.
I will share a few tips for balancing your time.
Keeping track of your upcoming events can give you a great sense of pacing so that you don't end up transitioning from lazy empty days to a frantic crush.
A daily calendar is very useful for finding time to reflect. I try to make sure that I wake up and go to sleep at the same time, allotting time before I sleep to reflect on the day and to set goals for the next. This time of reflection has totally changed how I view my days: I see what I have been successful at and what I should alter in order to improve.
You can read about and look at my old planner here
When you start off with a To Do list you are beginning your day with a promise to get certain things done. It keeps you accountable and helps to break up the large monthly projects into smaller pieces that you can tackle.
There are plenty of ways to keep a To Do list. My planner is where I keep my daily list; on lazier days I will keep a list on my blog. Other people prefer to use apps on their phone or laptop. It really doesn't matter how you keep this list so long as you do. Similarly whatever style or format is just a way to keep you focused.
I don't mean that you need to have a schedule for your next netflix binge. Rather, know that there are going to be days where you want to just sit around the house. Plan a day for that the same way you plan a day to go out for tea with friends you haven't talked to in a while.
When you make sure you have enjoyable things to do, you make sure that you don't burn out. It's often after an aimless walk around time that I have the best ideas so I plan to walk before I study.
I will share a few tips for balancing your time.
- Keep a monthly and daily calendar
Keeping track of your upcoming events can give you a great sense of pacing so that you don't end up transitioning from lazy empty days to a frantic crush.
A daily calendar is very useful for finding time to reflect. I try to make sure that I wake up and go to sleep at the same time, allotting time before I sleep to reflect on the day and to set goals for the next. This time of reflection has totally changed how I view my days: I see what I have been successful at and what I should alter in order to improve.
You can read about and look at my old planner here
- Start the day with a To Do list
When you start off with a To Do list you are beginning your day with a promise to get certain things done. It keeps you accountable and helps to break up the large monthly projects into smaller pieces that you can tackle.There are plenty of ways to keep a To Do list. My planner is where I keep my daily list; on lazier days I will keep a list on my blog. Other people prefer to use apps on their phone or laptop. It really doesn't matter how you keep this list so long as you do. Similarly whatever style or format is just a way to keep you focused.
- Plan enjoyable activities in advance
I don't mean that you need to have a schedule for your next netflix binge. Rather, know that there are going to be days where you want to just sit around the house. Plan a day for that the same way you plan a day to go out for tea with friends you haven't talked to in a while.
When you make sure you have enjoyable things to do, you make sure that you don't burn out. It's often after an aimless walk around time that I have the best ideas so I plan to walk before I study.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Moving
I am moving into an apartment!
That's right - I'm moving out of the dorm and into an off campus apartment.
I'm super excited for the move; I can't even describe how done I am with dorm life and how excited I am to have my own space.
With a caveat, I am moving in with a friend, and temporarily, her boyfriend.
I'm also going to be getting intense with my MFA internship so I hope to have real things to talk about rather than the radio silence I've been imposing on you guys.
As soon as my furniture arrives I will have tons of pictures to post.
That's right - I'm moving out of the dorm and into an off campus apartment.
I'm super excited for the move; I can't even describe how done I am with dorm life and how excited I am to have my own space.
With a caveat, I am moving in with a friend, and temporarily, her boyfriend.
I'm also going to be getting intense with my MFA internship so I hope to have real things to talk about rather than the radio silence I've been imposing on you guys.
As soon as my furniture arrives I will have tons of pictures to post.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)